Thursday, May 22nd, 2014 .

YouTube sensation Scott Bradlee & Postmodern Jukebox have tackled a new challenge – bringing Alex Cornell’s hit “I’m On Hold” to our users in a new way. In September 2012, one of our co-founders, Alex Cornell, wrote our featured UberConference hold song, aptly titled “I’m On Hold”. The song quickly resonated with our customers and appeared in publications all over the web ranging from TechCrunch to Fast Company to the Wall Street Journal. We asked arranging genius, Scott Bradlee, to rework the song in as many styles possible. The results of their efforts completely surpassed our expectations, and — we hope — will end hold waiting boredom once and for all.

Proving that everything new can be old again, pianist Scott Bradlee has become a viral pop sensation after creating a series of clips for YouTube that finds him and his ad hoc group Postmodern Jukebox reworking 21st century pop hits in a variety of vintage styles — transforming Miley Cyrus’ “We Can’t Stop” into a ’50s-style doo wop number, giving Macklemore’s “Thrift Shop” a ’20s jazz accent, crossing Daft Punk’s “Get Lucky” with Irish folk music, and showing how Ke$ha’s “Die Young” would work as a classic country tune.

As Bradlee wrote on his website, “My goal with Postmodern Jukebox is to get my audience to think of songs not as rigid, ephemeral objects, but like malleable globs of Silly Putty. Songs can be twisted, shaped, and altered without losing their identities — just as we grow, age, and expire without losing ours.” When not busy with his Postmodern Jukebox sessions and live appearances, Bradlee also served as musical director for the “immersive theater” project Sleep No More.

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Friday, May 9th, 2014 .

We’ve worked our way through four of the irritating conference call types you’ll inevitably meet.  Let’s do a quick review:

1. The Repeating Everything Everyone Else Already Said Guy

2. The Irrelevant Topics Gal

3.  The Completely Unrelated Anecdote Guy

4.  The Hello?  Is Thing Working?  Hello? Gal

Pretty annoying bunch, aren’t they?  Well, I’ve got a couple more subspecies to go into today.

First up, The Wait, I Didn’t Get That Document Gal.  This subspecies also goes by another name: The Big Fat Liar.  This woman never seems to receive that one key document you need to come to a decision in this conference call.

Does this sound familiar?

CALLER #1: Okay, now let’s take a look at what we’re proposing for pricing.

WAIT, I DIDN’T GET THAT DOCUMENT GAL: I’m sorry. I didn’t seem to get that document.

CALLER #1: We emailed it to you last week.

WIDGTDG: I’ve been having problems with my email server.  I don’t think arrived.

CALLER #1: But we had an “Acknowledge receipt before opening” routine on the email.

WIDGTDG: My assistant must have opened it.  I just don’t have a copy.

CALLER #1: Well, we also FedExed it.  And you signed for it.

WIDGTDG: Not my signature.

CALLER #1: And then we had it messangered to you.

WIDGTDG: I’m sorry, but I don’t remember signing for it.

CALLER #1: That’s why we had a photo taken of you signing for it.

WIDGTDG: That’s my twin sister.

CALLER #1: You’re just a big fat liar, aren’t you?

(Long silence.)

WIDGTDG: Perhaps.

As we have seen, the lengths this person will go to to deny having the document in question are extraordinary and constantly defeat your best efforts.  And now, finally, there is a solution: Screen sharing. You click the screen sharing button on your UberConference call menu. Voila, there it is. Right there staring her in the face. She can’t deny she got it or blame someone else for losing it. All she can do at this point is hang up and go away.  And then you’ve won.

We now move on to one of the most irritating Conference Call types: The Youth Sports Fanatic Dad.  First of all, let me be clear: I think that women athletes are tremendous.  One of my favorite sports to watch is the NCAA Women’s Softball Championships.  Incredibly exciting and fascinating contests played at very high level of athleticism and skill and intrigue.

On the other hand, there is only thing duller and more painful than watching nine year-old girls play softball: listening to one of the dads talk about it. There you on a conference call trying to get some business done and this guy is describing in excruiating detail a sequence of pitches that his daughter, Bethany, fouled off until she hit “this rocket just over the second base girls’ head” and drove home three runs in the bottom of the fourth.

Your brain is searing from the pain of listening to this, isn’t it? You’ve heard this guy go on and on, as if the game between the Pink Cheetahs (Bethany’s team) and the Blue Girlie Girls on Saturday was a battle between the very forces of good and evil in the universe.

The basic question to pose to this guy: Could you please, in the name of all that is holy, stop talking about Bethany’s softball team?

Fortunately, UberConference provides a solution: Mute. You can mute this guy. Just tell him if says one more word about nine year-old girls softball, you’re going to mute him.

“But the ump–

Mute is hit and the conference call goes forward.

Monday, May 5th, 2014 .

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Congratulations to UberConference for winning two Communicator Awards. The Communicator Awards are judged and overseen by the Academy of Interactive and Visual Arts (AIVA), a 600+ member organization of leading professionals from various disciplines of the visual arts dedicated to embracing progress and the evolving nature of traditional and interactive media. Our mobile apps and our “Everything You Love About Conference Calls” video were featured with the award.

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Friday, May 2nd, 2014 .

(INT. BEVERLY HILLS LAW OFFICE CONFERENCE ROOM – DAY)

An ATTORNEY sits alone in an immense conference room of a law office in front of computer. On the screen is an UberConference call and the faces of FOUR PEOPLE on the screen: GARY, BECKY, VERNON, and ANTOINE.

ATTORNEY

Okay, everyone, welcome to the official sale of the Los Angeles Clippers basketball club. As you will recall, this is an open auction with no minimum.

BECKY

Excuse me?

ATTORNEY

Yes, Becky?

BECKY

“Basketball club?” What is that about?

ATTORNEY

Our firm has been hired to conduct an auction of the Los Angeles Clippers basketball club. What is your question?

BECKY

Oh. I see. Because I thought this was for a pair of hedge clippers. I saw this ad on Craigslist and they said I should call this number. Did I dial the wrong number?

ATTORNEY

No. You dialed correctly. This is the number we had in the Craigslist ad. Would you like participate in the auction?

BECKY

Well, I was really just looking for something to trim my hedges…

ATTORNEY

I’d be willing to throw in a nice set of hedge clippers myself if you win the bidding.

BECKY

But I don’t know if I really want a basketball team…

VERNON

(interrupting)

Can we get this started? I have to leave for work pretty soon.

Attorney clicks on Vernon’s image on the UberConference screen and goes to his Facebook page. We see a burly and jovial-looking guy in a security guard uniform.

ATTORNEY

We’ll start right now, Vernon. How’s the warehouse you’ve been guarding?

VERNON

Fine. So, uh, listen, here’s my bid. I happen to have a pallet of video games I’m willing to trade for the Clippers.

We HEAR loud movie sounds on the call.

VERNON

What is that?!

ATTORNEY

It’s coming from Gary.  Gary?

GARY

Yeah.

ATTORNEY

What is that noise?

GARY

I’m watching “Space Jam.”

ATTORNEY

Can you turn it off, please?

GARY

No, this is the good part.

VERNON

There is no good part in “Space Jam.”

ATTORNEY

Gary, I’m going to mute you for now.

Attorney mutes Gary on the conference call.

ATTORNEY

So, Vernon, you are offering a pallet of video games in exchange for the Los Angeles Clippers.

VERNON

Yup.  Classics from the 1990s.  In the original packaging.

ATTORNEY

Any estimate on the value?

VERNON

Fifty.  Maybe sixty bucks.  Solid.

ATTORNEY

Okay, let’s see what Gary has to offer.

Attorney unmutes Gary and the movie is blasting away. He quickly mutes Gary again.

ATTORNEY

Let’s get back to Gary. Antoine, what are you offering?

ANTOINE

A deadly ten foot jump shot. Deadly.

ATTORNEY

Okay.  Ummm.  Why would we want that?

ANTOINE

Well, uh, who doesn’t want a guy with a deadly accurate ten-foot jump shot?

ATTORNEY

You want to play for the Clippers?

ANTOINE

Of course.  I’ve been working out for the past three weeks.  I broke a guy’s ankle the other day doing a crossover.

ATTORNEY

You did?

ANTOINE

Well, I broke his ankle after I tried to do a crossover and tripped and fell on his ankle. But you get the point.

ATTORNEY

The thing of it is, Antoine, the Clippers don’t really have a basketball team anymore.  The owner refused to sell so the league shut the club down.

ANTOINE

Oh.  I guess I missed that.  Well, then I’m gonna pass.

ATTORNEY

Fair enough.  Let me check on Gary again.

He unmutes Gary and the movie is still blasting away.

GARY

(to himself)

Marvin the Martian.

Attorney hangs up on Gary.

VERNON

That pallet of video games is starting look pretty good right now, isn’t it?

(Attorney sighs.)

ATTORNEY

Do you have any copies of Super Mario World?

VERNON

One hundred and sixty three copies.  Never been used.

ATTORNEY

Sold!